Can Two Toxic Narcissists Have a Lasting Relationship?

It is often said that people in toxic relationships may maintain them through mutual promises and fulfillments of their end of the bargain. However, this dynamic is particularly pertinent when considering the interaction between two toxic narcissists. How long can such a relationship last, and what are the underlying dynamics at play?

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Many individuals diagnosing themselves or their partners as narcissists may not realize that their behavior fits a clinical definition of narcissistic personality disorder.

Can Two Narcissists Have a Lasting Relationship?

While some might argue that two narcissists can maintain a lasting relationship, the reality is more complex. According to many professionals, a relationship between two narcissists is highly unlikely to withstand the long-term pressures of interaction.

Positives and Negatives

Positives: Sometimes a relationship between two narcissists can appear to be a perfect fit, like a glove to a hand or a shoe to a foot. This can be more common in families, where both partners may have learned to manipulate and control each other to maintain a semblance of balance. Such relationships can be volatile yet stable.

Negatives: However, the underlying dynamic of control, manipulation, and a lack of genuine empathy and emotional connection tends to make these relationships extremely unstable. Gaslighting and other abusive behaviors can escalate, leading to frequent breakdowns and crises.

Why Two Narcissists Might Not Last

Narcissists are often defined by their inability to be controlled or manipulated. Repelling each other, such narcissists might prefer to avoid a relationship that would require them to submit to another narcissist’s demands. Instead, they might opt for a relationship with a covert narcissist or worse, a psychopath or sociopath, leading to mutual harm and negative societal impacts.

Illustrative Cases

Consider the case of Douglas Frederick, a Quora user who described his parents' long-term relationship. It appears that both his parents, while not both clinically narcissistic, exhibit traits that align with such behavior. Their mental situations suggest a complex interplay of emotional and psychological dynamics that maintain the relationship, albeit in a volatile manner.

Conclusion

While it is possible for two toxic narcissists to have a relationship, it is rarely sustainable. The long-term instability and the underlying issues of manipulation and control ultimately make a lasting relationship unlikely. Understanding the complexities of narcissism and the potential for mutual harm is crucial for anyone considering or involved in such a relationship.