Understanding Obsession in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Is it possible to become obsessed with someone who has BPD? The answer is a bit more complex than a simple yes or no. Relationships with BPD often involve a significant dependency on the part of the partner. While therapy can help, recovery may take a considerable amount of time. However, the nature of these relationships can be intense and tumultuous, often leading to deep emotional connections and, paradoxically, obsessive behavior.

Magnetic Personality and Obsession

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can appear highly adaptable and change their personality to fit different situations. From a young age, individuals with BPD may exhibit behaviors that make them appear like anyone they desire. They can mimic various personalities, from humor to social skills, to gain the approval of others. This adaptability is often what makes them seem perfect, leading others to fall in love with them. However, as with many obsessions, they are temporary and often end in heartache as their true nature comes to light.

The Illusion of Perfection

Individuals with BPD often present themselves as perfect partners, only to regress to abusive and manipulative behavior over time. They may change their personality to match their partner's, making them appear like a soulmate. This adaptation is a strategic move to establish a deep emotional connection. However, as the relationship progresses, the mask of perfection often falls, revealing the underlying insecurities and past trauma that drive their behavior.

Overcoming Obsession

It's essential to acknowledge that obsession itself is not behavior typical of someone with BPD. Instead, the individual with BPD may manifest extreme emotions and behaviors, often in response to their insecurities. The partner may initially become obsessed with figuring out the root cause of the other's compulsive lying and manipulative actions, only to later process the disturbing patterns of behavior.

For example, a person with BPD might go through a significant transformation to appear as a perfect match, then revert to harmful behaviors. This cycle of perfect appearance and abusive behavior can be deeply upsetting for the partner. It's a difficult journey to understand and cope with such behavior, often requiring time and therapy to come to terms with the situation.

Personal Experience and Learning

The author's personal experience reflects the complexity of these relationships. Initially, the obsession was not with the person with BPD themselves, but rather with understanding the behaviors and patterns behind their actions. This person, known as the target, was someone the author had known since childhood. The initial sweet, shy, and happy self transformed over the years into someone highly manipulative and abusive.

The process of understanding and accepting this new reality was lengthy and emotionally challenging. It took six years for the author to come to terms with the reality that these behaviors were rooted in deeper insecurities and past traumas. This journey taught the author a great deal about BPD, but more importantly, it taught them invaluable lessons about resilience and the importance of emotional and psychological well-being.

Conclusion

While the possibility of obsession exists in relationships with individuals who have BPD, the relationship itself is complex and multifaceted. Understanding and working through these dynamics often requires time, therapy, and empathy. Recovery from a BPD-driven obsession is a significant journey that involves both the individual and their partner. By acknowledging the underlying causes of behavior and seeking professional help, both can move beyond the obsession and towards a healthier, more stable relationship.