Understanding Autistic Emotional Experience

When we think about emotions, it's important to recognize that autistic individuals often experience them differently, yet with the same intensity and depth as non-autistic (neurotypical, or NT) individuals. The notion that autistic people do not experience emotions is a common misconception. In reality, many autistic people have big, intense emotions, and they can be triggered by small events, leading to extreme reactions.

Differences in Emotional Expression

One common difference lies in the way autistic individuals express their emotions. While NTs often learn to express emotions through facial expressions, mimicry, and eye contact from a very young age, many autistic individuals may have delays in developing these skills. For example, it is common for autistic children to encounter delays in learning to smile and mimic the emotions of others. Eye contact can also be uncomfortable or challenging for some autistic individuals, which may affect their ability to engage in socially expected emotional expression.

Another significant difference is in the understanding and interpretation of subtle emotional cues such as irony, sarcasm, and metaphor. While many autistic individuals can understand these forms of communication, it often takes much longer for them to master these skills compared to NTs, who typically learn them quickly after birth. Personal experiences often underscore these differences. For instance, the author of this piece mentions having difficulty distinguishing between lying, joking, and patronizing comments, but has since learned to do so over decades.

Emotional Intensity and Processing

Autistic individuals often experience emotions more intensely than NTs. This is not a difference in the nature or quality of emotions, but a difference in the intensity and processing. Small events can trigger extreme distress, leading to powerful emotional reactions. These reactions can be particularly intense and prolonged, sometimes unfolding days or even weeks after the initial trigger. For example, an abrupt end to a relationship can leave an autistic individual deeply wounded and processing those feelings for a long time.

Understanding these emotional differences is crucial, especially in recognizing and supporting children with autism. A personal anecdote highlights this: the author mentions a son who, during a particularly difficult breakup, showed such deep emotional pain that it was intensely distressing to the parent. However, months later, the child still needed support to process and understand the full impact of the event.

Conclusion

It is important to recognize that while autistic individuals may experience emotions more intensely and have different ways of expressing them, they do indeed experience a full range of emotions. This understanding helps foster empathy and support for those with autism, whether they are adults or children. As society becomes more informed about the realities of autism, misconceptions can be addressed, and autistic individuals can receive the understanding and support they deserve.