Am I Right to Be Upset with My Partner?

Yes, you are completely right to be upset with your partner. There is no need to question your feelings. However, it's essential to understand that emotions, much like the weather and other natural phenomena, are neither right nor wrong. They simply are what they are.

Understanding Emotions

Emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger, and upset are natural and undeniable. They are not inherently right or wrong, just as the weather being sunny or stormy, the wind blowing or being still, and planets having moons or not orbiting a star, are simply how they are. Each of these phenomena just exists; they don't come with a moral charge of right or wrong.

The Impact of Our Reactions

The significance lies in the actions we take after experiencing these emotions. While feeling upset is a valid and natural response, reacting to those feelings in destructive ways, such as violence, would undoubtedly worsen the situation and potentially harm all parties involved, including yourself. It is not about making the correct emotion; rather, it is about making the correct actions following those emotions.

Constructive Reactions to Upset

If you find yourself upset with your partner, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and then determine how you can address the issue constructively. Here are some steps you can take:

Communication

1. Talk to Your Partner: Engage in an open and honest dialogue with your partner about what has upset you. Often, misunderstandings or miscommunications can be resolved by expressing your feelings clearly and listening to your partner's perspective.
2. Ask for Explanation: Your partner might not be aware of the impact of their actions and might need a clear explanation of why their behavior upset you. This can help them understand and possibly adjust their behavior.
3. Explain Your Expectations: Clearly communicate what you would like to see from your partner in the future. This can help set expectations and guide your partner towards understanding your needs.

The Importance of Language and Understanding

It is unreasonable to expect your partner to be able to read your mind. Just like how parents have to learn by trial and error to understand their babies, as adults, we have the means to use language to express our feelings and desires. Explaining what you want and experiencing how your partner understands and responds to that explanation can lead to much better communication and understanding.

Improving Your Relationship

Acknowledging your feelings is a positive step, but it is only the beginning. To truly make a difference, take active steps towards understanding and improving the relationship. Here’s how you can proceed:

Seek Understanding

Try to understand why your partner behaved in a certain way. This can involve having a calm and non-judgmental conversation where you both can express your thoughts and emotions. Understanding the reasons can sometimes alleviate upset and prevent similar issues in the future.

Plan for Improvement

Work together to find solutions and make changes that can prevent similar issues from arising. This could involve setting clear boundaries, discussing appropriate behaviors, or creating a plan to address specific concerns.

Remember, your partner is a human being and, just like you, they can't always predict your needs and desires. By learning to communicate effectively and seek mutual understanding, you can work towards a healthier and stronger relationship.