After Prison: Choices for a Spouse Behind Bars

Life changes dramatically when a loved one is arrested and sentenced to significant time in prison. The question often posed is, 'Would you leave your spouse?' This article explores the factors and emotions involved, with a focus on long-term incarceration cases. We'll explore personal stories and the critical considerations that come into play.

A Personal Story

My husband was arrested in 2021 and was sentenced to 25 years and 8 months in prison. His soonest parole eligibility date is March 2039. He turned 35 this week, and I turned 37 on November 30th. Our marriage began in 2011 when he was waiting to be transferred to prison, a period marked by multiple incarcerations and the complexities that come with prison life.

Life Before and After Marriage

We had a tumultuous beginning filled with challenges and emotional turmoil. My husband served terms in prison before our marriage, with his second term leading us to marry in the county jail in 2011. We experienced several homecomings and challenging separations. Term 1 was before our marriage, and he was released in 2014 after 77 days. He returned to prison for Term 2, spending time outside for 3-4 months in 2016. Term 3 began in 2017, and he was released in July 2019 after serving his time.

Challenges and Hardships

During the time he was home, we faced significant struggles. He subjected me to mental and emotional abuse, leading to a damaging relationship. When he was incarcerated again, I stayed, but the decision was not without its challenges. He had other girlfriends, and an incident involving a man from his former girlfriend’s ex led to his current imprisonment.

Supporting Others During Hardship

One of the most challenging moments was when a woman I knew became pregnant while he was in prison. I allowed her to stay in my home to ensure the baby received proper care and support, even though she had nowhere to go. This decision reflected my commitment to the welfare of the unborn child, despite the emotional turmoil in our family.

Factors Influencing Decisions

Whether to stay with a spouse after incarceration can be greatly influenced by several factors:

Type of Crime: If the crime involved abuse or posed a direct threat, the decision to stay is clear. However, for less severe crimes, the decision requires careful consideration. History of Incarceration: Prior behavior and repeated offenses can exacerbate the decision-making process. Behavior While in Prison: The conduct and rehabilitation efforts of the inmate can also play a critical role in the decision.

Legal and Emotional Considerations

Legal considerations, such as the parole process and visitation rights, can also impact decisions. Emotional support and compassionate understanding from family and friends can help provide the necessary support during these challenging times.

Community and Support Networks

Support networks, including therapy and community resources, can provide valuable assistance. Many communities offer programs specifically designed to support individuals and families in prison and their loved ones.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to stay with a spouse after incarceration involves a deep exploration of personal values, legal obligations, and emotional fortitude. While many prison marriages do not end well, staying can be a testament to the strength of the relationship and the love that endures.

Ultimately, the decision hinges on a combination of factors, including the nature of the crime, the behavior before and during incarceration, and the emotional resilience of all involved. This article aims to provide a framework for understanding these complex decisions and the challenges faced in such unique circumstances.